Sunday, March 20, 2016

Picking Up The Pieces

Update: Before I share my new post, I want to give a quick update of where we are now. After my last post, I had a D&E. Often times this is a sad day, as it can symbolize the pregnancy officially being over. However, I had felt that way since learning about the miscarriage the week prior. I was actually eagerly awaiting the D&E because it meant that we could move forward to the next step. Unfortunately, my beta levels took a long time to decrease and were still at 4 even after a "period." I had an office hysteroscopy to investigate and it was determined that there was still some retained tissue after my D&E (a known complication). As a result, I now need to have a surgical hysteroscopy to remove the last remaining tissue. Initially, I was disheartened by this momentary set back. However, if we are to move forward with IVF, I would rather do everything possible to give us the best chance of success. So that's where we are now, waiting for my next cycle so I can have the hysteroscopy and hopefully continue moving forward with IVF. In the meantime, I am taking advantage of this extra time to prepare myself physically and mentally. I have been going to yoga and may try acupuncture.

Picking Up The Pieces

I just returned for a week long vacation in Florida. Lying on the beach and submersing myself in a novel was what I needed to distract myself from the many ups and downs of the past two months. I grabbed a Nicholas Sparks book from the condominium library, a novel about a cowboy meeting an elderly man and their friendship that evolved. However, I couldn't find myself feeling motivated to read it, so I switched it for a Jodi Picoult book about a music therapist overcoming some of life's obstacles. I was intrigued by her career as a music therapist which has always interested me during my career as an occupational therapist. On page 5 of this book it discusses the main character, "Zoe," and her struggle with infertility. I immediately put the book down and scoffed out loud to myself. Out of all the books I could have chosen, I randomly choose a book about a women and her struggle with infertility and miscarriages. How ironic! I could have chosen to pick another book, but I felt like it was too coincidental that I choose this book. 

At one point in the story, after she has just had a late term miscarriage at 28 weeks and delivers a stillborn, she is angry lying in bed and throws a clock radio shattering it to pieces. She decides that she needs to pick up the pieces of the broken radio before someone walks in and pick up the pieces and move forward with her life. I feel that at this point in my journey I am picking up the pieces to move forward as well. It still stings when a baby shower invitation arrives in the mail or when I see the cute young family at the beach playing with their two year old twins, but instead of being sad that we could have had those moments, I am excited that we will have them. There are still many appointments, procedures and obstacles ahead in our adventure to become parents but I have begun to pick up the pieces, one a time, to move forward in our journey. 

The sunrise my husband and I watched on our last day in Florida. 

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