Wednesday, April 15, 2015

That Familiar Ache

After 27 years with JRA, you become very in-tuned with different types of pain and what they may mean. The achy, sore pain after overdoing it. The throbbing, hot pain of a flare up. The popping, cracking, locking pain of degenerative knee changes. Up until now these pains have just been another part of my life and have not caused more concern then determining whether to take some advil or call my rheumatologist for a check-in.  However, when I woke up in the middle of the night on Sunday with my knees burning, it caused my mind to race. Is this the beginning of a flare? What are my medical options? Is this what I am going to feel like for the next year? Am I going to be able to get pregnant and deal with this without being able to take medicine for the pain? What happens if it takes a year to get pregnant and this is my life for the next two years?

Well some of these questions are legitimate, some are definitely an over-reaction of my tired, sore, exhausted state at 3 am. Fortunately, after a day of icing my knees and advil PM, I am feeling significantly better this morning and am once again optimistic for the potential ahead. Although, I do hope that I won't be stuck in this "limbo" period much longer, I have always felt that once I am pregnant, I will be able to deal with the pain and whatever comes my way. Because I know the light at the end of the tunnel, will be the best, most rewarding experience of my life. I need that goal in my near future to keep myself pushing forward. At this point, that goal is still around a curve at the ledge of mountain with no tunnel in sight...

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