Babies, Babies, Everywhere

I am not exaggerating when I say that there are babies all around me. I had a cousin deliver a baby in January, my brother just had his first baby last week, I have another cousin due in April and a third cousin due in May. There are literally babies all around me. Of course this is making it even more difficult to stop thinking about weaning off my medications and trying to get pregnant.

Next week will be mark the 3rd month of being off my previous medication regime. Most rheumatologists agree that you should wait 6 months since stopping methotrexate before trying to conceive in order to ensure that the medication is no longer lingering in your system. Therefore this means we are halfway there in terms of this "limbo" waiting period. This "limbo" period has been a lot harder for me mentally and emotionally then physically thus far. Besides the rogue knee pain, I have been feeling well. However, emotionally and mentally it is very trying. I am constantly anxious waiting for something to go wrong or for my body to flare. Not being able to trust your body your entire life makes it hard to trust it when time becomes precious. However, I feel that with each passing month and each good medical appointment, I am feeling more confident that this in fact can be done!

The Journey Begins

I recently embarked on the terrifying and exciting journey to start a family. For a woman without JRA, after some planning with your husband or loved one, you decide to start trying and just go for it. You may change your diet or get a physical exam but not much more planning is involved. However, for someone with JRA there is a lot of planning. My husband and I started the initial conversation with my rheumatologist in December and decided to beigin the process of stopping my current medication treatment (which was contraindicated in pregnancy) to try to find a medicine regime that would keep my JRA under control, but not be contraindicated during pregnancy. I started Enbrel in January with the hopes that it would keep my disease under control until I tried to get pregnant and then as a back up if I needed it during pregnancy. Enbrel is an old buddy of mine from when I was younger, so I am cautiously optimistic.

I am currently in frequent communication with my specialists and am being followed monthly by ophthalmologist (to monitor my uveitis). However despite everything going as planned, I feel like I am living in constant fear that my JRA will not be able to be controlled on just Enbrel. Every twinge I feel in my knee or floater in my eye instills great panic about an upcoming flare and what that may mean to my future planning.

Fortunately, I have been busy at work and am trying to just think about it day by day. I find it hard to believe it is already March. I do wish that this journey was not so complicated but I know it will be worth it in the end.